Wait!!! If you think it is a rant about feminism then you should READ it because it is not. These are compilation of major incidents of my life (in 2016) which I think I should put under feminism category. Not all incidents are bad, some discussions are good too.
How can I not write about feminism especially with all this buzz around me. This word has gained both positive and negative attention. This word has become somehow a controversial topic. Remember Lana Del Rey! How she was misinterpreted because she didn’t show Active interest in feminism. In her words ‘The luxury we have as a younger generation is being able to figure out where we want to go from here, which is why I’ve said things like, “I don’t focus on feminism, I focus on the future“.
Everyone has an opinion about it. I wanted to write about it too but before writing I needed to understand it. I have gone through under evolution to reach to the point where I am today. I am constantly evolving and expanding my horizons to understand it. It is a new concept for all of us. We all are looking for right definition but is there any out there? I am not a pro in this subject; I am also not trying to teach people what is good and bad. I am just sharing my real life experiences.
Incident I: Find a ‘man’.
One gentleman was strongly advising me during a heated discussion that I must find a guy soon before I hit 29.And my only options are guys who are 4 to 5 years elder than me. I must decide as soon as possible because that is the most important thing right now unless I am planning my life without a man.
Was I in a state of giving answer? No. This statement was coming from a same age group friend who is well educated, has finished his degree from one of the top university and currently working in one of the strongest economy. I am sure many can relate to it. Let’s think from positive side. Let’s say that my well-wisher was trying to make me aware about ‘prospective market’ (trust me I know better about it because I am facing that situation). And the most shocking / hilarious part was that I must find a ‘man’ unless…
Incident II: NGO?
He: Are you running a NGO? Why do you always post ‘such things’ on social media?
Me: Such things?….what do you mean by such things?
He: Yes, like running a camp for all unsupported women and still not getting paid.
Me: Boy, that is my social media platform and I will use it as it pleases me unless I am bullying or threatening anybody. And being passionate about something does not mean running a NGO; payment will be last thing in my mind to spread awareness.
Incident III: Let’s call it classic.
She: You know that couple who got married two years before? It was love marriage (Love marriage; when a couple decides to marry by choice).
Me: umm so?
She: Anyway, guy has got good job offer in Germany for one year so, he asked his wife to come with her. And his wife left her job to accompany him. See, that’s call adjustment. If you will learn this your life will become easy. You must learn this attitude to make a family.
Me: (shocked)…seriously. They had love marriage?
Me: That guy is a je*k.
She: what rubbish (it’s her turn to be shocked now).
Me: Wait, you are saying that the guy can’t live alone in Germany for one year so, he made his wife to resign her job just to accompany him. I mean for a year he can’t live alone? What about his wife career? Why he didn’t think about a mid-way where both can have win-win situation?
She: What nonsense you are talking? Of course she will leave her job.
Me: Oh really! Why don’t you reverse the situation where wife gets promotion and husband leaves his job to accompany her because she can’t live alone?
She: It doesn’t work like that. Why do you talk so negative?
Me: because you expect nonsense from me.
Incident IV: Rape jokes
This is something I don’t even have words for it…This gentleman has really lot to say. He is not the exception though I often encounter similar people.
He: hey, next time if you are coming to this place then we should hang out.
Me: ahh it doesn’t sound good idea to me.
He: Oh really ha ha…well you can’t rape me. You can’t kill me or can’t steal my things so there is no harm to meet you.
Me: That rape thing is not a joke. Please do mind your language.
He: What did I say? I just wanted to say you can’t harm me in any way so why I have to worry about it.
Me: You are educated, you have some experience too but still you use such words so loosely. I guess it’s not your fault. You are in that surrounding. Anyway if I get this kind of loose language, I will not entertain it.
He: But you did not get the point. I was explaining things by which anyone can harm any person so; I just said one of the criminal words. I should not use other three words according to your logic. Those should also come into the same category.
Me: Wow, I am not going to bury my head in the sand just to argue over appropriateness of using words. You should dig some legal terms to prove your points. Perhaps reading following article will not put much strain on your brain.
He: You are saying it because you are a female, don’t you think murder is a bigger crime than that. And in this place every day we hear such news.
Me: Gosh why people are full of gender stereotypes?
He: I am not gender stereotyping. Why did you focus on only one word? I mentioned other two more crimes too. Why did you not object on other two?
Me: The surrounding there is just so awesome that you can’t differentiate among few words. I am sorry to say that but you are one example among many who think it’s ok to use ‘RAPE’ word casually and you are so desensitized about it. The funny thing is that I am from the same land but I think way different. By the way it’s an issue for all genders including LGBT too not just for FEMALE.
Incident V: Military service
There are many countries where military service is compulsory for all the men unless they have some serious illness. Generally military service is limited from one to three years. Everybody knows that Military service is no joke.What is the point here? Why it is only for men, why not for all? I have to say that is a very good point. There is nothing wrong to raise this kind of question. So, why I am including this incident here? Keep reading………
He: We have to invest 2 years of our life in the military…why it is not for everybody?
Me: Don’t think like this you served your country. Be proud for that.
He: But why only men, why not for all.
Me: that is actually a good question and I am speechless. Perhaps genetically men are stronger. And from evolutionary point of view they are built to face harsh conditions in better way.
He: No. If women are trained well they outperform men on physical level for e.g. look at Israel.
Me: With all due respect I don’t see it as a point. Every country has its own policy. It is shaped by historical events and availability of resources. I don’t know the situation in Israel. If you are talking in general then it is a good point but why women don’t get credit for having babies. I am sure you can’t argue on that point that it’s the female who keep species alive. But instead of receiving extra credit for it, we are looked down as if it’s a sign of weakness. We are not offered jobs because companies think that we are not competent enough and in the end we will quit our jobs to take care of the child. In many countries working women are offered little to no support for having a child. These children are our human resource. They will grow up in future and in next 20-30 years they are the one who will be shaping economy.
After an hour we did find conclusion that if both are given equal credit for their natural abilities then there is nothing wrong to share responsibilities from military service to parenting. (Not all discussions are bad, some leads to better understanding and new perspective)
So, the take home message about feminism from this blog is that be independent, learn to take care of yourself, demand for equal opportunities, don’t be apologetic for your opinions, live your life on your terms and cherish your loved ones despite of their genders. It’s not a competition. It is about respecting each other, understanding each other’s genetic abilities and work together as a team.